Flux (or bang head on desk)

Flux–noun

1.	a flowing or flow.

2.	the flowing in of the tide.

3.	continuous change, passage, or movement: His political views are in a state of flux.

Life as an Army wife. Flux. Life as a military member. Flux. See # 3 above. This last couple of weeks I've been trying to help a friend who is new to being a military wife, and to the military entirely really, with flux. The lessons aren't easy. Of course these are all my own point of view, probably other people have a different one.

First: You can't plan to do anything (at least not with your spouse) if he has no orders. Orders are the beginning and the end. It doesn't matter what your supposition is, what anybody says, if there are no orders it isn't happening. Sometimes orders take time to materialize, for whatever reason, and even though waiting is hard, you have to.

Second: Even if you have orders, they can change as quickly as you can plan to accommodate them. This includes approved leave.

Third: As long as you are married to the military it will always be this way.

I understand, these lessons aren't fun. It isn't fun when you have never been separated from your spouse and suddenly you are for sometimes extended periods. It isn't fun to expect a weekend pass from training and have it fall through because someone failed inspection. But. It isn't personal either. It is unfortunately, necessary. Sucks but many times things do. It could be worse. Far worse.

Adapt, improvise, overcome.
Relax.
Wait for orders.
THEN do what you need to do.

Meanwhile stop thinking you can control this part of life. Not gonna happen. The sooner you can do this the less stress you will have. Whatever it is, you can and will deal with it when it happens. Until it does happen you can't deal with it so .... just stop it.

The thing is, when you are together, you are together, be happy for that, look for the small blessings and count them. Being together is a large one. Recognize it and the other things we have count for a lot and looking for the things we don't have diminishes the things we do have. Boy I'm good at writing convoluted sentences!

I bet, if I continued this list, of just what I know, not even bothering to gather from all the other spouses and military members I know, it would get right up into the several hundreds...

Best quote(as best I can remember I can't find it verbatim) for this post--something Pamela said on Lifetime's Army Wives-- Ever feel like he's really married to the Army and you are the mistress and that bitch gets all his time?

It is what it is, accept that and carry on.

The Great Cookie Swap!

My Gram was not a cook. She was many things, a stubborn divorced during the depression raising four boys and two girls woman on her own, but a cook? No. Christmas was the one time when Gram always made homemade things. These cookies and Gram's date-nut bread were the things I looked forward to the most. The date-nut bread I still have not found the "proper" recipe for, so far none has turned out like Gram's.

These cookies were very popular, there are recipes all over for them, everyone has probably had some version or other, they are simply my favorite cookie. I had no idea what they were called until my Mom pointed me to the recipe in the ancient church cookbook I have. I make them once a year or I would be a plus size woman, I can't NOT eat them if they are there.

Hello Dollies (magic cookie bars)

1/2 cup butter/margarine
11/2 cup crushed graham
cracker crumbs
1 cup chocolate chips
1 can (14oz) condensed milk
1 can (3 1/2oz) coconut
1 cup chopped nuts (Gram used walnuts, I use pecans alot too)

Preheat oven to 350 (325 for glass dish)
13x9 inch baking pan:
Melted butter
Sprinkle crumbs over butter (you can compress them if you like, or not)
Pour condensed milk over crumbs
Top evenly with chocolate chips, coconut and nuts

Bake 25-30 minutes or until light brown.

The picture doesn't quite look like mine do, but hey, yours wouldn't look like mine either. I couldn't find a picture of them made in a 13x9-- I imagine the ones in the picture are just thicker...I like mine in the 13x9. I just realized, these have no eggs! They sure don't qualify as healthy in any way either! My Mom told me to just buy the box of already crushed graham cracker crumbs which makes these so easy to make it's just sinful.

Go on over to Trying Our Best and you get to travel around cookie recipes! What a nice change of post!

Wordless Wednesday

Becoming an Ex and other random thoughts

I confess. Half the reason I'm not here writing anything is because I quit smoking May 12. That may not sound like a big deal, but imagine being an addict for slightly over 30 years and then one day deciding to stop that. Yeah. Not fun. I had to, first of all I promised Zach, second it was the only thing I did that was bad for me, unless you count the occasional funnel cake.

Add to that Mother's Day, my Mom being terminally ill, Memorial Day, my Dad being diagnosed with Alzheimer's, my own diagnoses of osteoporosis, June 1st was Beth's birthday (the first since she died and the damn e-card people kept sending me REMINDERS like I needed them) and, well you get the picture.

But you know, that is all just normal life if you keep it in perspective. It sucks sometimes and is really awesome other times and hopefully over time it all evens out and can be called happy and content. (she says...trying to find her optimist bone)

Yesterday, I woke up and walked the dog her half an hour, came home, did a few chores and turned on The View. I try to turn on The View and watch them do 'hot topics' -- then I turn it off again :D Before hot topics was finished I was sneezing volcanic sneezes over and over, in an hour and a half I went through a box of kleenex! UGH So yeah, I'm sick for the first time in...well, a long time. I can't remember when I last had a cold so I am sure it is simply my turn but really I could have done without the explosion of cold all at once.

My husband comes home, brings me a new box of kleenex, gives me a hug, makes the sign of the cross at me and walks away. I am the new definition of miserable. Some other things happened, I wanted to find a large thing and throw it at him or beat him up, he starts laughing at me, I start sobbing and REALLY want to beat him up, and then everything was fine. At that point he found me some Army drugs that they gave him when he had a cold, brought me some food and I got a little better and didn't beat him up or anything. I think my husband just failed his first ever nursing job (laughing at your wife when she is miserably sick is a BAD idea) and I definitely failed my patient job (my responses were way not rational). I will be better prepared the next time.

Hopefully I am returning to my more normal self. I have to carry my head back to bed (it weighs three tons today) now but there, now there is a more normal update.
P.S. LOOK! I wrote more than one paragraph and I didn't smoke!