Good karma and other things

You know, I don't usually write about things that happened but today was just a strange day. I went to run errands. Go to the pharmacy and get my prescription, the post office to mail job applications and taxes.

Going to the pharmacy isn't all that convenient, it's on a corner where two pretty heavily traveled highways intersect. It involves lots of u-turns to get in and out of there in some reasonably safe way. So I go in and ask for my prescription which I had called to get refilled ahead. Lady goes away for a few minutes and then comes back to ask me for my id card. Lady goes away again, long time. I'm like ok, what. She comes back after five minutes and tells me I can't pick up my prescription because my insurance system is down. YAY I leave, on the way to the car, the sky opens up and down the rain comes. LOL

Then while I'm making u-turns to go back toward the post office, I see this suv with one of those Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes peeing on something stickers. You know the ones I'm talking about, usually on trucks, Calvin peeing on a Ford if the truck is a Chevy kind of thing. This one was Calvin peeing on:

Jose ______ (some last name)
Deadbeat Dad Since
1992

That's just harsh. Now I know about dead beat Dads. Nonetheless, I would never have put that on my car. Imagine how that must make the child feel!

Ok, so off I go up the road to the post office. I go in, do my thing, come back out, its still raining. There is a woman by my car doing something. I get closer and realize she's trying to figure out how to get her child in her car. Some asshat has parked like less than a foot from the side the child's car seat is on. I can't even figure out how the asshat has gotten out of the vehicle! Child is screaming, it's raining on him, I would scream too I bet. She's just upset, the little boy is not that little, probably 18 months or so, not that easy to wrangle into a car seat on the other side of the car, plus he's screaming. I just told her I would back out, block traffic and then she could back out far enough to get the little boy out of the stroller, into the seat and get the stroller put away. I said I would stay in the way until she was back in her car.

So I did that, blocked traffic in the parking lot and got out to watch the baby while she backed up til I told her to stop at the point she could open that car door, then I hopped back in my car while she got organized. Meanwhile pick up truck man is behind me and very annoyed at the whole thing. He's waving his arms and getting all red faced. I'm ignoring him completely. LA LA LA He's up high, he can SEE what is going on, it's RAINING. Please, just give the girl a BREAK, ok? I didn't yell at him, though the thought crossed my mind, I just decided to keep with the good karma I had going.

That led me to thinking about how we forget things. We forget labor, we forget sleeplessness, we forget not being able to take a shower that is more than five minutes and a long soaking bath? Not in your dreams. We forget how hard it is to just do a simple thing, like go to the post office, when you are alone and have a child. Yeah, pack up the stuff (for included with the title mother is also the title "pack mule"), load it, load the child into the car seat with the all buckles and stuff, make sure you have the stroller. Get to the post office, get the stroller set up, unbuckle all the buckles and stuff, get the kid in the stroller, rebuckle all those buckles. Go in to the post office. Now come out and do it all again. That's just ONE kid. Again, I don't know how you guys do it. I salute you and I'm proud of you and I hope no asshat ever parks so close to you that you have to depend on the kindness of strangers to get back into your car. *sigh*

While I was writing this the pharmacy called, system back up. Guess what, "patient not covered" Ummm what? Husband is still in the Army, we're still married, nothing has changed. God. YAY I get to play with Tri Care tomorrow. Ugh.

The Cost of War

I just, well, go read what Claire says. I'm tired. For me, for my family, this is the cost of war:


October 24, 2003, Baghdad, Sylvester and Zach on Zach's 21st birthday

Happy 2009

Maybe we can do better this year? That's a lot of maybe isn't it. One can hope.

I'm such a doofus, on our way to the frozen tundra we flew through Detroit and not Chicago. We got lucky. LT Dan and I sat on the back porch the morning of the day we were supposed to leave and actually tried to figure out ways NOT to go. LOL We really did. It was a gorgeous Sunny Place winter day, 80 and blue skies. We looked at the approaching blizzard and it's ice storm partner and just withered. We went anyway, oh the power of our Mothers, if they only knew.

It's highly annoying, this new thing the airlines are doing. I knew we would pay for checking our bags, what I didn't know was the thing I by-passed while poking buttons on the check in kiosk was my opportunity to PAY for the privilege of actually sitting WITH my husband. WTF. Just put it all in the ticket price and be done with it...good grief! So we did not sit together on the way to Detroit, it could have been worse, at least I was sitting right behind him, both of us in the "coveted middle seat."

I tried to sleep, but there was this little group behind me, very chatty lady with a big voice chatting away non-stop to another lady, while her husband is simultaneously reading her the Bible as though she is actually listening. Very strange. When I finally did fall asleep the lady decided to show her friend something about her camera, so every change she made the camera beeped...alarm clock effect. Never mind sleeping. The flight ended with her reading the Sky Mall catalog complete with opinion of each item, while husband is still reading the Bible. *blink*

We ended up boarding our next flight almost two hours late, we got to sit by each other! Then sat on the runway waiting for deicing for yet another hour. UGH. We arrived in the frozen tundra four hours late and drove to our hotel (35 miles) in an ice/snow storm. LT Dan rocks at driving thank goodness. Two planes that landed after we did slid off the runway...ummm we got lucky.

Our time with my family was wonderful and all I hoped it would be. This was LT Dan's first opportunity to actually spend time with my brothers and sister under normal circumstances, and they him. They met first the day of Zach's funeral. It was unfair to him and to them.

We left my family on Saturday and drove through yet another ice storm to LT Dan's family. LT Dan rocked once again at driving and our decision to head out at 0 dark 100 to beat the majority of the ice storm paid off. We had an hour of crap driving and then it was all clear. LT Dan even had to deal with people spinning out and ending up coming the wrong direction toward us on the interstate. He really does have his awesome moments.

Now I can make a list...

Northwest Airlines needs to stop with the weird ticketing stuff and just put it all up front.

My Mom made us two beautiful pieces of needlework, they are shells and her work is just amazing and perfect and I swear I will never get to her level. I'll post pictures once I get them taken.

Dan got to laugh and joke and see what really good people my brothers and sister are, and how cute his new nieces and nephews are too. An aside- my brothers are Hawkeyes (University of Iowa) graduates and Dan is a Husker (University of Nebraska) graduate...there was much jabbing and stabbing :D

Dan's parents got into wine this year. YAY

I got an awesome big girl corkscrew thingy from Dan's parents and I love it.

We had a family picture taken with Dan's family and individual ones of us and then I helped frame and hang them all in his parents house with my sister in law and I doing the work and Mom supervising. It was FUN. Wine followed our accomplishment!

My sister in law who is the most artistic creative person ever (she's an art teacher) made me silver sea turtle earrings and they are just perfect. I am a sea turtle person. She always makes me the most wonderful things. The Christmas Zach was in Iraq she made me a stained glass blue star flag to hang in my window. I bawled like a baby when I opened that one.

We saw Dan's best friend from college and had a really great night talking and drinking, well, ok, they drank, I just sipped a Kahlua and milk. They asked me if I was punishing myself *eyeroll* no...you silly men are going to hurt in the morning and I'll be FINE. I left them to their own devices at 1am, I think LT Dan fell on the bed and bounced me in the air at around 03:30. LOL They were hurtin units the next morning. Still, it was good to see each other again.

New years day we took our long walk on the beach and this year it was sunny and perfect. We went to the Greek place and stuffed ourselves with giros and then walked a long way on the beach, had coffee and came home. 2009 began right...now lets just carry on with that trend, shall we?

Happy New Year my friends, thank you for your warm welcome back.

Playing catch up

I'll try not to be too long-winded.

LT Dan and I had our first official anniversary, October 1, but for me October 2 was the more important day. That was the day he didn't die from the pulmonary embolism. LT Dan made reservations at a nice restaurant that we had looked at before (this is WAY out of character for him btw) and the Georgia weather was perfect. We ate a great dinner and dessert on the patio and drank mojitos and really had the perfect anniversary celebration.

We also found out the Army really did permanently break LT Dan and began the Medical Board process. I can't say much about that except that it really is the suck. It is so many things...hard to swallow, disappointment, anxiety, uncertainty and lastly LONG. Somewhere along the way I'll post about that at least in a personal way, though I can't really say much about the official part of the process. Say a little prayer for us would you? And please can I stay in what Susan called "the club" because I think without that connection I might really lose my mind.

I'm skipping the election on purpose, though I am glad so many people actually participated.

Thanksgiving was not our normal one, but we had a nice weekend still. I went up to The Cave and got all the yummy wonderful things for dinner, just modified a bit for two people. A turkey breast, sweet potato cassarole (addictive stuff that is), sausage apple stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, cranberry stuff, and pumpkin pie. We ate varieties of Thanksgiving the entire four day weekend! It was pleasant and we did nothing much. I like it much better when he comes to The Sunny Place and we have family here.

December the financial debacle came home to roost and I found out my income for 2009 went down the toilet. While I have much to say on that topic, I'll just say that so I don't degenerate into paragraphs of bad words. So now, while I don't know if we are in the Army or out, have health insurance or not, living here or living there...I have to find a job. I haven't really worked in ten years, I have no idea what I'm going to do and I'm not even sure there will be a job for me to GET. This whole idea is wonderful on the one hand and terrifying on the other. You will no doubt be hearing more about this one too because I just know I'm going to need some encouragement along the way.

k that about brings me to another post about December and holidays :) I sorta caught up.

Flux (or bang head on desk)

Flux–noun

1.	a flowing or flow.

2.	the flowing in of the tide.

3.	continuous change, passage, or movement: His political views are in a state of flux.

Life as an Army wife. Flux. Life as a military member. Flux. See # 3 above. This last couple of weeks I've been trying to help a friend who is new to being a military wife, and to the military entirely really, with flux. The lessons aren't easy. Of course these are all my own point of view, probably other people have a different one.

First: You can't plan to do anything (at least not with your spouse) if he has no orders. Orders are the beginning and the end. It doesn't matter what your supposition is, what anybody says, if there are no orders it isn't happening. Sometimes orders take time to materialize, for whatever reason, and even though waiting is hard, you have to.

Second: Even if you have orders, they can change as quickly as you can plan to accommodate them. This includes approved leave.

Third: As long as you are married to the military it will always be this way.

I understand, these lessons aren't fun. It isn't fun when you have never been separated from your spouse and suddenly you are for sometimes extended periods. It isn't fun to expect a weekend pass from training and have it fall through because someone failed inspection. But. It isn't personal either. It is unfortunately, necessary. Sucks but many times things do. It could be worse. Far worse.

Adapt, improvise, overcome.
Relax.
Wait for orders.
THEN do what you need to do.

Meanwhile stop thinking you can control this part of life. Not gonna happen. The sooner you can do this the less stress you will have. Whatever it is, you can and will deal with it when it happens. Until it does happen you can't deal with it so .... just stop it.

The thing is, when you are together, you are together, be happy for that, look for the small blessings and count them. Being together is a large one. Recognize it and the other things we have count for a lot and looking for the things we don't have diminishes the things we do have. Boy I'm good at writing convoluted sentences!

I bet, if I continued this list, of just what I know, not even bothering to gather from all the other spouses and military members I know, it would get right up into the several hundreds...

Best quote(as best I can remember I can't find it verbatim) for this post--something Pamela said on Lifetime's Army Wives-- Ever feel like he's really married to the Army and you are the mistress and that bitch gets all his time?

It is what it is, accept that and carry on.

OK June is better

I've been noticeably silent. I know. Sometimes, when you can't say anything nice, or in my case, good or positive. No words is a better option.

About Memorial Day. I really like this post. Primarily for the quote from the tombstone. "Remember Me and Not My Fate" Yeah. That's a much better thing and once I focused on that I started pulling myself up and out of my little yucky melt down.

More help followed from Trying's place, here and here. She's so good, that girl. Anyone lucky enough to be her friend and hang out with her and go visit the cows is very lucky. One more, there is Claire of the Hooah Family. Claire has turned into such a good and positive part of my life. I just need to say thank you, you have no idea how you both helped me regain perspective and find my center. Maybe prayer, maybe insight, maybe sharing, simply caring. No idea, but thank you from the bottom of my heart.

We now return to our regularly (or maybe not so much) scheduled programming. Carry on :)

Confessions

I love noisy powerful fast things. Yep. I took the weekend off and went to a Living Green Expo on Saturday and an Air Fest on Sunday.

I love going to the air fest and watching/hearing /feeling really loud, really powerful, really fast jets and planes. There is also a certain thing about the smell of jet fuel. I don't know, don't ask.

My sister finally went with me, I've been trying to convince her for years. She had such a great time and since her passion is meteorology having all the NOAA planes and the Air Force Hurricane Hunter there for her viewing pleasure was quite the thrill for her. I was so surprised and proud of her normally shy self bombarding the crew of the Hurricane Hunter with questions. They were thrilled, apparently nobody even asked them what it is they do and how they do it. Weird here in hurricane land, at least I think so. Lisa knows a lot about what they do and how they do it but this gave her the opportunity to see the equipment and ask lots of informed questions. It was wonderful to watch her and to watch the crew light up when given the opportunity to talk about what they do.

I didn't take my camera so the picture I posted was taken with Lisa's little one. She took the picture, I was too busy crying like a dork. Something at the air show always gets me. This time it was the F-4/P-51/F-15 Heritage Fly-by. Between the music, a haunting Celtic song that reminded me of the one I chose to play at the end of Zach's memorial service, and the dedication, and seeing those generations flying by, together (which takes a huge amount of skill for them to do by the way) I was a suddenly a puddle. I've said before that my family is military, my father's side way back, my mother's side way back and my siblings and niece as well. So the fly-by brings back for me, my heritage also, and memory of those that are gone now. I really am proud of our country, with all it's youth and foibles and those in the military who serve on our behalf, are some of the very best in the world.

The living green expo was awesome. Lots and lots of ideas and things to do either to this home or the dream house. Technology is coming along nicely, if only we had easier access to it, either in terms of being able to afford it, or plan and have the option to include it in our houses when we build them. I could have a rant here but I won't. There wasn't much for me to learn about ways to recycle and make less of an impact than I already do, but it was still really an interesting day.

I had great fun taking the weekend off, got a sunburn on my forehead in spite of my ginormous hat--I had to take it off sometimes to let wind blow and cool my head off, got my picture taken in some rediculous fingers-in-ears, mouth-open pose (I hope that doesn't show up in the paper really) and had a blast!

Bloggy things (warning-- random thoughts)

I've been playing with my blog this morning. Bad Bon. I'm supposed to be *doing* things. Opening that ginormous pile of mail over there, doing laundry, buying groceries, paying bills, walking the dog, oh yeah, getting dressed would be good too. The President is having a press conference and I'm not really totally listening to that either. I'm avoiding responsibility and playing with my blog *grin*

About Lt Dan. That is his call sign because Forrest Gump is one of my all time favorite movies and I loved Lt Dan almost as much as I loved Forrest. Stubborn, willful, sometimes dumb, as kind as he was hard...I'll stop now because I could list my Lt Dan traits all day long probably. Now of course my Lt Dan says "but Lt Dan had no legs and I have at least one good one." LOL Yeah. My Lt Dan has a leg that got some major trauma in a training catastrophe. He's working on it, it's getting better, that's another post entirely. So, now you know why Lt Dan is Lt Dan. Actual rank isn't a part of that, rather it's about who he is and who I am and how things go.

We had a Hail and Farewell while I was up at The Cave. I'm a newb military wife so this was my first ever. I came away thinking "wow, I really AM a newb (newb: A term used to describe an inexperienced gamer/person/etc. A newb is someone who actually wants to get better.) military wife." I met a whole bunch of people, can remember like three names, got a rose and a battalion pin because we were one of the two couples being welcomed (I did notice the other wives had those on,) and felt totally like a newb. So many people there who have spent many years living this life and we are just at the beginning and I know so little. This too shall pass and still it was nice and interesting. By the way, the Urban Dictionary is sometimes a fun place to go--you can look up words like newb!

I think I'm going to have to get one of those little old lady pill holder things. Right now an ash tray is my tool of choice (nothing else to do with it). While I was up at The Cave I had my annual physical. It wasn't good, I have osteoporosis. So lots of pills, daily and once weekly. Weee so much for any sense of invincibility I may have had. I could go on a long rant about this since I already DO all the things you are supposed to do to avoid having this. Damn heredity is all I'm gonna say because you don't need a rant in addition to a zillion random thoughts.

Also while I was at The Cave I made a military wife friend who happens to live in our same Cave complex. Cool. We had lots of fun spending time together and going places and I enjoyed being around her two little girls immensely. So yay, a friend is a good thing and I'm kinda sorry I can't be there for her all the time. Her husband is in a school so she doesn't see him much right now and won't for another couple of months.

All right it's almost noon and I have done nothing I'm supposed to, I better get moving. Hope everyone has a great day.

Sever the tether

Well, we wish we could. We really do. We also wish we could buy those of you who don't understand why we can't, a clue.

We are tethered to our cell phones like our lives depend on it. Because they do.

In September, 2001, I began carrying a cell phone with me at all times, and I do mean ALL times--to the shower, to the bathroom, to bed, outside to garden, turned to vibrate and stashed in my bra while mowing the two acres of lawn at our old house on the rider mower, or while snow blowing the 190 foot driveway in the dead of winter.

September, 2001 is burned in my memory (and yours) for a number of reasons, including the fact that my only child, my son Zach, flew off to basic training like the little eagle he was. So the tether began. It continued through his being stationed in Germany, and on to his deployment to Iraq when the answering machine message on my home phone changed to "You have reached such n such number I am not available to answer your call, please leave a message and I will call you back. Zach, if this is you I love you and call my cell phone such n such number."

Zach was always sleep-deprived and there is a pretty large time difference between here and Iraq so I wanted to be sure he had the number and I would not miss that call. Add to that the fact that my son, my only child (yes, I'm repeating this--it's part of giving you a clue) often had to stand in line for a very long time to wait his turn to make this call in conditions that you know nothing about -- 120 degree temperatures, mortars dropping in close proximity, human bombs exploding, no sleep for a day or two, yeah, just your everyday sort of conditions.

If Zach called on the home phone and missed me he always left a message before calling my cell phone. I saved every single one of those messages. Every single one. Why? Because I never knew if that would be the last time I would hear his voice. Those messages are now all I have left of my son's voice, and one day, I know, I will not be able to hear it in my head any more and then I will have those recordings to listen to. To hear, I love you Mom one more time, to hear him call me a dork for not being home...priceless.

Zach left Iraq before his unit, he returned to Germany to begin the process of coming back to the states to start training in Special Forces, what he always wanted. On January 23, 2004, two days after his return to Germany he was killed by a drunk driver.

Oh life's irony. I thought he was safe. But we are never safe are we? No.

July 2, 2007. My best friend of 25 years went to the mall and never came back. She died of an aortic aneurysm. What if I didn't answer the phone the last time she called?

October, 2007. I married the love of my life after 7 years of history together. Lt Dan was not always Lt Dan though he wanted to be, instead he deferred to his parents and went to college and got his degree, then he owned and operated a successful business. He wanted desperately to be in a position to stand for our country on September 11, 2001 and he began to put a plan in motion to liquidate his comfortable and successful life, prepare himself mentally and physically, and get on the road to becoming Lt Dan. He did discuss this with me and before he submitted his final papers I had the option of saying no. I did not.

I am still tethered and will remain so for the duration. I am apart from those I love and those who are close to me more than I am together with them. Every single moment, every conversation, no matter how mundane is precious. Every I love you at the end of every phone call is precious. Severing the tether is not an option. Military families know this best though there are many others who know this as well. Some of you don't. You haven't gotten the clue.

The present moment is all you have, it is all you are guaranteed...cherish it.

Editors note: Lest you wonder what started this little rant, it began as a thought as I was reading this at SpouseBUZZ and became anger as I was reading this over at Trying's place, about this young man. Then it just had to come out somehow. I'm proud that I didn't cuss. ;)

How DO they DO that?

Tenacity? Sheer determination? Necessity? All of the above. I've been pondering lately on how military wives who are also mothers manage to do it. Alone. Mostly. Or even those who aren't mothers but who are younger than I and maybe not so stubbornly independent.

From where I'm sitting I know this. Today (and all of this week) Lt Dan has been at work at right around 3am and gotten home at right around 6pm. Tonight it was 8pm. Now, most nights he's sound asleep by 7pm. So where exactly does that really leave any time for actually having a conversation, or much of anything else. And who's children go to bed at 7? Do they actually tuck their Dad in? Does he stay up a little longer? Man. My child didn't go to bed until 8 and even then as he grew older he was allowed to read in bed, he just had to go to bed because *I* was tired. I always figured if getting to stay up was so important then after story time, or talk time as he grew older, he could read on his own, it worked, he read a lot as he grew up and I still got peace.

Plus, it's not even DARK at 7 right now, which is weird all by itself, sleeping when the sun hasn't even set yet.

From where I'm sitting I know this as well. I'm not sure I would have been in any way prepared as a twenty-something to deal with the kind of hours Lt Dan and I deal with now. At my current age I'm pretty well grounded, very independent, very secure, I have lots of coping skills. Add children to the mix, young ones, and flu, and projectile vomiting, and runny noses, and broken bones, all the myriad things that children get and do... We're not even talking about laundry and bill paying and cooking and groceries... Or deployment. Or even being in the field. I can't imagine how hard it must be.

Of course, as I think back, I did go to college full time, work nearly full time, and be the single mother of a not-quite-human two year old. I did that successfully, somehow. I even graduated and then got my MBA --my son cheered YAY MOM when the Cardinal was giving me my diploma because he was five and more human by that time.

Then I think about how lucky I am that I don't have to try to manage a career while moving every couple of years, also with children who must adapt and adjust to new schools and environments right along with their parents. I don't know how wives with (normal) careers do it either.

I am just filled with admiration for those who do this military spouse job, and try very hard to do it well. For years. Amazing.

For my part, by comparison, I think I have it easy. I just go about my solitary way, knowing my husband loves me, knowing I will get that kiss goodbye at 2 or 3am, and a solid hug and kisses when he comes home, or maybe some time in "the nook" (you know, the nook, that place your head lays in his shoulder where everything that isn't right is made all better) as he falls asleep. I have to run the households and take the dog out, but other than that I am all good. I manage. I tell him what I'm going to do, get feedback, and do it.

Edit April 12
I am very much a lucky one. I'll repeat that to myself all day today, and maybe all night since I have been at The Cave all week, seen my husband maybe three hours, and now he's off spending the next 24 hours on post doing some duty or other. I'll also constantly remind myself to shut up, he's not deployed. Maybe kids would be ok too, at least they are another human being to talk to :)

Conversations

"Looks like a tornado came through here"

"I imagine so, you have things all over the place?"

"Except the things I'm trying to keep track of. Those are in good shape. "

"Well once those things go out then the rest can get a little more orderly."

"See, from where I'm sitting right now, I don't have the highest of hopes. If it was under, near by, behind, next to, or in any other way remotely related to a piece of my TA-50 -- it kinda just got.. discarded randomly to "some other place not where my TA-50 is. Tornado."

"We have extra blue bin things, we can fix it."

"I also have this cool collection of upside down canteens going on propped against the arm of the sofa balancing on the edge of the ottoman. I'm going to be kinda sorry to see that go."

"Well, you could take a picture."

"I also might have to turn on the heat. that or add a kevlar chin strap and webbing to the already stunning brass decor of our chandelier for about 36 hours. They don't seem to want to dry."

"Perhaps you should hang the kevlar and webbing on the chandelier AND turn the heat on."

"Well see. there's an issue with the chin strap. I couldn't get it off the kevlar (it went through the dishwasher)"

"Ummm"

"I'm not sure it would be good to hang the whole helmet from the fixture."

"Try the shower curtain rod?"

"I seriously doubt that's as sturdy as the light fixture."

"Why do I have this feeling nothing smells good at home right now?"

Conversations

Sometimes being in this sort of military limbo LT Dan and I are in...well, it leaves me sitting here singing the "all by myself" song. Now LT Dan and I have been together these 7 years, but we just got married. That makes me yes *gasp* a newlywed, more than that, a military wife.

It isn't the nomenclature, the process or any of that, I was an Army Mom for a good number of years. I survived my son's 13 month deployment. I survived losing him. I had a military family that I still have (only now its much bigger). It's the emotional place, the commitment, this whole military wife thing is life-altering in ways I hadn't considered and have only now after nearly two years dealing with it come to realize.

Soooo I found SpouseBUZZ , then I found several military spouses who have blogs. LT Dan said "oh boy, like a kid in a candy store." Yeah. Mostly though, it's finding other people who, like me, have to deal, and embrace the suck. I'm not singing the all by myself song quite so much any more. Butterfly Wife understands why I want a teleporter and Non-Essential Equipment understands Guilt Trips . We are making one of those for more than one third of our Exodus time. Well sortof. I'm thinking NEE could teach me a few things about begging forgiveness as opposed to asking permission too!

But anyway, back to what I was thinking. Last night I went to a neighborhood Ladies Night. It was themed for Christmas and you brought soup and a ten dollar gift. Cool, ok, I haven't been to one in the whole year I've lived here so I'll go. I made taco soup and trotted up to the lodge being all brave and such. The soup was a hit, I didn't have any left to bring home. But when we get into conversation, now, I am become Alien. The usual "whot dew yew dew" questions...I am retired and a military wife. I watch, they blink, then they don't know what to say. Well, where is he? I tell them. Well how do you do THAT? I say I commute a lot, I spend ten days here at our home and two weeks there at our home, or he comes here. Well, what if *insert random variable here*. Oh Lord, have mercy. If we weren't in military/injury limbo (long story, some other post some other day) we would make some decisions about our living situation but right now, no. We commute. We talk on the phone and on instant messenger. I leave him enough food in the fridge and freezer to last (usually) until I am there again.

I came home, read the other wives blogs and felt all better. At least...to them, I don't have to explain very much at all. They are there, I am here, we don't really have conversations, but I know they are there and they know I am here and if I needed to I would ask for help and I would get it. So I am not become Alien all the way at least. Only sometimes. LOL