Tenacity? Sheer determination? Necessity? All of the above. I've been pondering lately on how military wives who are also mothers manage to do it. Alone. Mostly. Or even those who aren't mothers but who are younger than I and maybe not so stubbornly independent.
From where I'm sitting I know this. Today (and all of this week) Lt Dan has been at work at right around 3am and gotten home at right around 6pm. Tonight it was 8pm. Now, most nights he's sound asleep by 7pm. So where exactly does that really leave any time for actually having a conversation, or much of anything else. And who's children go to bed at 7? Do they actually tuck their Dad in? Does he stay up a little longer? Man. My child didn't go to bed until 8 and even then as he grew older he was allowed to read in bed, he just had to go to bed because *I* was tired. I always figured if getting to stay up was so important then after story time, or talk time as he grew older, he could read on his own, it worked, he read a lot as he grew up and I still got peace.
Plus, it's not even DARK at 7 right now, which is weird all by itself, sleeping when the sun hasn't even set yet.
From where I'm sitting I know this as well. I'm not sure I would have been in any way prepared as a twenty-something to deal with the kind of hours Lt Dan and I deal with now. At my current age I'm pretty well grounded, very independent, very secure, I have lots of coping skills. Add children to the mix, young ones, and flu, and projectile vomiting, and runny noses, and broken bones, all the myriad things that children get and do... We're not even talking about laundry and bill paying and cooking and groceries... Or deployment. Or even being in the field. I can't imagine how hard it must be.
Of course, as I think back, I did go to college full time, work nearly full time, and be the single mother of a not-quite-human two year old. I did that successfully, somehow. I even graduated and then got my MBA --my son cheered YAY MOM when the Cardinal was giving me my diploma because he was five and more human by that time.
Then I think about how lucky I am that I don't have to try to manage a career while moving every couple of years, also with children who must adapt and adjust to new schools and environments right along with their parents. I don't know how wives with (normal) careers do it either.
I am just filled with admiration for those who do this military spouse job, and try very hard to do it well. For years. Amazing.
For my part, by comparison, I think I have it easy. I just go about my solitary way, knowing my husband loves me, knowing I will get that kiss goodbye at 2 or 3am, and a solid hug and kisses when he comes home, or maybe some time in "the nook" (you know, the nook, that place your head lays in his shoulder where everything that isn't right is made all better) as he falls asleep. I have to run the households and take the dog out, but other than that I am all good. I manage. I tell him what I'm going to do, get feedback, and do it.
Edit April 12
I am very much a lucky one. I'll repeat that to myself all day today, and maybe all night since I have been at The Cave all week, seen my husband maybe three hours, and now he's off spending the next 24 hours on post doing some duty or other. I'll also constantly remind myself to shut up, he's not deployed. Maybe kids would be ok too, at least they are another human being to talk to :)
4 comments:
thank you for this post (not that it was written for me or anything) but it helped me some today. its nice to know that what us military mommies do is not unnoticed to all. its a very tough job. i think back to what seperations were like when i was just taking care of myself and i could slap myself for ever thinking i had it "so" bad. it still sucked to be sepearted and the military bears its challenges on any and all, but to have the extra burden of raising kids on your own is sometimes just crushing. love every minute of mother hood but crushing none the less.
really... thank you for posting this.
*hug* Trying. It was you I had in mind, and a few other Mom's that blog and give me insight into their challenges.
This has been a dinner time topic of conversation with Lt Dan and I recently too. We both shake our heads in amazement at what you all do and how you do it.
My 22 year old niece also is former Air Force and her spouse is Air Force, she has an almost three year old and endures the same trials.
hang in there girl, just hang in there, you do GOOD work!
At the end of Bryan's time at Benning it had been over 6 solid months, and the first 3 of those months was with little to no connection with him at all. It was so hard. The hardest part was helping Emma adjust. She is so strong willed and she is a daddy's girl. The two combined made me the object of her frustrations. Some days we both went to bed in tears. Ultimately, through perseverance (I'm bullheaded too!) we were able to forge a partnership. It serves us well now, and if Bryan is ever deployed through the reserves we know we can do it.
You just do what you've gotta do. I think that military wives wear their own set of boots... and they have really huge straps on them to help pull yourself up by. When that doesn't work we get the girlfriends to give us a push and nudge. :)
*hug* Yep Claire, and we have our own special big girl panties as well. It's true I think, you just do what you gotta do, but I needed to recognize you all for that. It's HARD.
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