Later on, after vacation with Lt Dan I'm gonna blog about this, but for now I have a question. How many of your significant others have empathy? Since all the people I know who read this blog are women folk, I'm asking about your men, do that have empathy? Lots of it? Not so much? None? Did they get it when you had your babies? Or they had it all along?
Just leave me a comment if you wanna. I'll be gone for a week playing in the Sunny Place with Lt Dan and hopefully having a Magical Day or actually three, along the way!
Back soon, have an awesome 4th July!
5 comments:
Have fun in the Sunny Place! I was sorry to leave it.
As far as empathy... sometimes I really do wonder. I think it's the very male, very irreverent atmosphere of my husband's job that sometimes makes it seems like everything, including others' afflictions, is an object of amusement. As far as empathy for me, he hates to see me in any physical or emotional pain, but he cannot understand my history with anxiety and stress and why I have to get help sometimes to manage both. He's a very kind person and will offer help to people in need of it, but there seems to be a cutoff point when it comes to empathy. He has not always been able to internalize another person's pain and probably for good reason.
Then again, we do not have children but hope to in the next couple of years.
It's a very good question.
I love my husband with all my heart and soul but he's clueless. I know he really would give his life up for the boys and I, that he sees it as his role to protect us and provide for us but I know that he does not in one lick get what being a mom, a stay at home one at that and a military wife is like. We've had some serious talks about his deployments to Iraq and he really seemed surprised at how emotional I got just talking about it.
He thinks that labor couldnt really have hurt as much as it seemed, despite seeing the size of our childrens giant heads. And he figures that I lead a great life with nothing to stress about. Merely trying to raise decent human beings and living on a budget, nothing to stressful. And I know he doesnt get the mother bear instinct. Our oldest is starting nursery school in the fall and he thinks I'm a boob for getting a little anxious about it.
Like I said I love him so much, its just the way he is. I think some of it is a bit of a protective thing for him. Its easier to go off and do what he does if he doesnt think it really gets to me. But the baby stuff... that just pisses me off. : )
I hope you have a well deserved break and rest -- and mostly I hope you and Lt. Dan have a nice time of reconnecting!
As far as empathy goes... there are times when I start thinking that maybe he isn't so empathetic, but then when I really need him, he seems to know exactly what I am feeling... what I need and he offers awesome support. He doesn't offer the empathy of a gal-pal but he offers a lot for a man.
My husband is not empathetic towards others and their situations at all.
He is one of those people that when others are upset or are having problems, it obviously has to be their own fault and is up to them to fix it, not him.
I still love him but it can be infuriating at times.
Empathy....hard word to place with a man.....I'd say it comes and goes depending. I am an extremely emotional person. I don't usually get mad mad, like yelling mad, when I get mad, tears fall....not bawling crying, but just tears....so my husband is just confused over that, always has been...when I stop the tears, he knows that is a bad sign.
Tonight I was sick, he came home from work and immediately took care of me. Held my hair back while I threw up, he was awesome, but when he is really absorbed by something in his life (job, other family members crisis', etc...) he can be so non-empathetic it's almost weird....the distracted look on his face alerts me that I need to be wary that there is something brewing underneath...often he does not share it with me at first.
When he returns from deployments he is also extremely distracted...I have learned that he will eventually come back to me wholly, but it is never quite the same each time...his need to take care of his soldiers often outweighs his need to take care of his family....his reasoning behind it is that he is gone so much, we don't really need him and he is so wrong on that....but to try to tell him is like talking to a wall. He is a person who must be shown that there is a need for him to be there, and with showing him that we need him, the empathy returns 100%....but with separations as they are with the military now a days....it's hard to turn off and on the total control we have when they are gone....relinquishing the hold over the life I keep going and giving it back to him is often difficult for me, and hard for him to take back.
Once upon a time, he was the most empathetic man I knew....but the war changed him.
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