| 1. | a flowing or flow. |
| 2. | the flowing in of the tide. |
| 3. | continuous change, passage, or movement: His political views are in a state of flux. |
Life as an Army wife. Flux. Life as a military member. Flux. See # 3 above. This last couple of weeks I've been trying to help a friend who is new to being a military wife, and to the military entirely really, with flux. The lessons aren't easy. Of course these are all my own point of view, probably other people have a different one.
First: You can't plan to do anything (at least not with your spouse) if he has no orders. Orders are the beginning and the end. It doesn't matter what your supposition is, what anybody says, if there are no orders it isn't happening. Sometimes orders take time to materialize, for whatever reason, and even though waiting is hard, you have to.
Second: Even if you have orders, they can change as quickly as you can plan to accommodate them. This includes approved leave.
Third: As long as you are married to the military it will always be this way.
I understand, these lessons aren't fun. It isn't fun when you have never been separated from your spouse and suddenly you are for sometimes extended periods. It isn't fun to expect a weekend pass from training and have it fall through because someone failed inspection. But. It isn't personal either. It is unfortunately, necessary. Sucks but many times things do. It could be worse. Far worse.
Adapt, improvise, overcome.
Relax.
Wait for orders.
THEN do what you need to do.
Meanwhile stop thinking you can control this part of life. Not gonna happen. The sooner you can do this the less stress you will have. Whatever it is, you can and will deal with it when it happens. Until it does happen you can't deal with it so .... just stop it.
The thing is, when you are together, you are together, be happy for that, look for the small blessings and count them. Being together is a large one. Recognize it and the other things we have count for a lot and looking for the things we don't have diminishes the things we do have. Boy I'm good at writing convoluted sentences!
I bet, if I continued this list, of just what I know, not even bothering to gather from all the other spouses and military members I know, it would get right up into the several hundreds...
Best quote(as best I can remember I can't find it verbatim) for this post--something Pamela said on Lifetime's Army Wives-- Ever feel like he's really married to the Army and you are the mistress and that bitch gets all his time?
It is what it is, accept that and carry on.
5 comments:
I have a little philospohy you cant swim upstream against the marine corps. you gotta just roll with the punches, doesnt mean I dont bitch about it but I surrendered control the day I married my dear.
I figure at least I know who the other woman is!
I love this post! I think sometimes it's hard for girls to realize that this isn't a choice their boyfriends/husbands are making against them, it's the job the guys have. It's a lesson you really do just have to learn or else you're doomed to be miserable and I'm sure in a good number of cases, fail.
That's awesome that you're helping out a new military wife. I'm sure she appreciates your advice!
You're right - so much of military life is just having to accept what happens and make the best of it.
I had chills the entire time I was reading this post. I am not married to someone that is in the military and I can't understand the life that you lead.
I was touched so deeply by what you wrote. I was in awe of it as well.
I am so glad that I came into your site tonight. I will be thinking of this for such a long time to come.. We hear of so many sides of the military, and this is one side that is often times missed.
I have been touched in this moment. And humbled as a wife... Kayce
I was trying so hard not to sound mean and hard-nosed along the way. *sigh* There just isn't a way to make reality any nicer sometimes...
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